omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
