i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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