ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
