my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
