Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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