the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
