I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
