That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize