Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
