that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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