I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
