Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
