I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
