I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
