he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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