She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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