id be glad to
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
