Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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