I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
