grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it hurts more in the daytime
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize