Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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