so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
