Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
