i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
