I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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