your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
People in love make me want to vomit
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize