Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
