And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
