You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
