I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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