How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
