just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
