come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
