you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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