things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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