You work out of a Hotel?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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