oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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