I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
