She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You are a genius and a whore.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
