girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
