My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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