Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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