Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
