Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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