We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
