Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
