Umm I'm too high to move.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
