K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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