I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
