i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just pee around me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
