He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
