I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
