we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
