I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
