Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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