Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
