I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
