Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Say something about gay babies.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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