Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it glows. i had to have it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just forgot I was standing up.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
