I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
