remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
