I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
