Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
